about anything?POLL: do you need to rant?
yes, it's to my mom today.
to give you some background information: I'm 15 (I just had my birthday in June) and I'm Paki.
My parents are pretty closed-minded. Even my mom; she thinks my duty is to look pretty and clean the house. My brother sits and watches TV ALL day long (he's 28 - no, he's not a jobless drunk that lives with his mom. WE actually are living in his house; we moved recently to this city and decided to temporarily stay here. We bought a new house already, we're leaving this place soon. He also doesn't drink.)
But anyway, my brother does absolutely nothing all day other than relieve his stress on my mom (by yelling) because he's not married yet. (He's really picky. He had this girlfriend but he didn't like her because she was too short. He's VERY superficial, which is one of the reasons I hate him. The other is that he's also a bit narrow-minded and likes to emotionally and sometimes physically abuse all of us. He doesn't hit my mom, just us, his siblings. It's not THAT bad, we don't get bruises or black eyes. He just grabs our arms and squeezes it with his nails so that it hurts and gets red) My dad is in Saudi Arabia (he works there) and the rest of us moved here to Canada.
Alright. So anytime we're about to go to one of my mother's friend's parties, she forces me to look all ';pretty';. My other sister voluntarily cakes her face, but I don't like too much make up. Especially on me, a 15-year old. Whenever I see another kid wearing make up, I think all these mean things about them, so why would I want to be a hypocrite? I really wouldn't mind but she says it like it's my duty because she needs the society to ';accept'; me. I can't be the way I am, no, I have to dress up and smile politely at people I know are horribly rude. She complains that I look ';ugly'; all the time because I'm not as fat as I could be (to put it simply, she has a problem with my eating habits and blames everything on that) and says, ';Oh God, you're so ABNORMAL, what will everybody think?'; And that's it. that's what gets me.
A) she uses the word 'abnormal' to describe usual teenager activities like using the computer. She overuses this term - to the point where it has lost its meaning and I want to pull out my hair. She's no psychiatrist. She knows nothing about teenagers and their normal behavior!
B) she cares too much about other people's opinions.
It won't matter if we're happy, no, that's not the priority. It's everyone else's opinion of us.
For example, my oldest sister just got married about 7 months ago. Ever since, her husband has been emotionally abusive. He has OCD so he yells and yells at her over everything. ie. if she tries to hold his hand.
you're a married couple, what's wrong with that? not only does he find something normal weird, but he yells at her. he yells till she starts crying. he even admitted one day that he's not happy until she starts crying. And once, when she put something in the washing machine without his permission (she was trying to help) he yelled at her so much. She usually wouldn't mind THAT much, but he did this so much to the point where she started screaming. And then she clawed at her skin and banged her head on the wall and cried for hours, locked up in the closet. When he saw her reaction, he laughed and said, ';Are you crazy? The neighbours will hear you and think you're an idiot.'; Another time he said, ';You're completely weird, there's no one like you. I don't think anyone could ever like you'; and then he left the house and said he wasn't coming home for the night because he was so upset he didn't want to see her face when all she did was forget a document or something.
first of all, I'm a bit of a feminist (because of all the stories about female abusive I've heard. Ever since I was way younger, it's all I hear) so you can't imagine what was going on in my brain when I heard her crying on the phone. It was all I could do not to cry.
secondly, my sister is a VERY happy and optimistic person. I couldn't imagine her losing control.
But on top of that, her in-laws are complete JERKS. they criticize her even after seeing their son's behavior. In our culture, the father/mother-of-the-son have every authority over everything, so they abuse her by making her cook and clean constantly. And then they're like, ';Oh, why can't you try to keep my son happy?'; and they give her their own orders like she's their free slave. Well, of course! that's exactly what a wife is in our f*cked up culture!
Now my point: you know what my mom says to all this? ';Oh, he's crazy for doing all that stuff. What an idiot! But you know what you should do? Try not to make him so mad, do as he says. Cook his food right. Clean his clothes properly.';
And then my mother comes to us and instead of regarding his behavior as mental, she tells us to improve ourselves so we can live up to OUR husbands' behaviors.
WHAT?!
If it was me, I'd fly over there myself (they're in North Carolina) and straighten that boy out. And if he was still a jerk (which he'd probably still be, a visit couldn't do much), I'd get her out of hisPOLL: do you need to rant?
God, yes.
I'm just to lazy to explain the situation again.
And the one person I want to say it all to, is my ex. And it's just ughh...I feel like I could explode.
It's rainingggggggg :(
It's suppose to be Summer!!
I'm bored aswell %26gt;:(
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh!!!
stupid people!!!!!!!!!!!
that's it
lol
YES!!!!! thx 4 asking
this is my alternative account. (this is weegee)
I'll finish my rant here:
I'd get her out of his clutches.
But no. Instead she talks like she's planning on getting us husbands just like him and that she's okay with us living like our sister.
But she KNOWS what it's like because she lived it too (which means me and my other sister are no doubt going to lead this life when we grow older) but she doesn't want to CHANGE anything. No. She'll make us work our butts off as much as she can make us do so she can prepare us for idiots like my sister's husband.
We're also getting an arranged marriage, in case you haven't figured that out.
I have a fetish for white boys, so I always fantasize about falling in love like a normal person with a hot, white boy. But I know it'll never come true. Once I mentioned to my father that I didn't want to have an arranged marriage and he laughed and said I'd ';grow out of that phase';
I'm crying right now, I'm so sick of this lifestyle. Especially living in Canada and all, I see all these people who'll get to fall in love and have a caring husband and it's so unfair!
And my mom lacks all signs of empathy. She doesn't understand that I'm a teenager! That I it's normal for me to like music, to spend time on the computer. Instead, she calls me abnormal because I don't clean the house all day long.
I'm so sick of it!
I'm also really shy and I can't stand most high schoolers because of their immaturity, so I don't have any friends. well, I have two: one girl who is quite frankly one of the most annoying people I've had to pretend to like and the other, a boy who's in strong like with me that I can't stand. In other words, I have no friends.
I don't mean to sound egotistical, but I think I've matured faster than the other people in my grade so I can't stand them for a legitimate reason. It's not that I'm a pretentious b*tch. Trust me, I'm not pretentious. I have Avoidant Personality Disorder, read up on it. I am the most self-conscious person ever and I criticize myself on everything.
So with my strong longing for a boyfriend and my no-friend situation, I no doubt am extremely depressed. To the point where I feel like lying down in the middle of a road and crying until a car comes. Because of my disorder, I know that no one will ever fall in love with me and that I'm doomed to a life of loneliness. That or arranged marriage. Between those two options, I'd pick dying alone. But even with that option, I can't help but feel depressed. I'm not exactly suicidal (yet) but I do often cry myself to sleep and lock myself in the bathroom and cry on the floor until I'm on the verge of pulling my hair out.
More than anything, I just want somebody I can talk to. I don't want to have to search up day-old questions on Yahoo! Answers so I can let it out.
But the thing is, I get lonely, but I also crave personal space. I share a TINY room with my mom. A tiny bed with my mom too and it gets so unbelievably frustrating not having any privacy. I also have to go to sleep when she wants to and I can't go to sleep until she feels like shutting off her laptop.
To change the topic: it's not just white boys I like. It's with the concept of being white. I can't imagine what it's like to have fair skin, CALM hair, colored eyes, nice features and most of all: freedom! I'm obsessed with the idea of being white. I want so bad to be pretty! people tell me I'm pretty but all I can do is cry when I look at the mirror.
But then there's days where I'm just sick of people as a whole. I've seen so many movies about real people where people are killed because of cruelty and I've lost hope in humanity. I hate everyone and everything now. I've become so bitter to the point where I get all pissy with my parents and then I'm overwhelmed with guilt and I sit there and cry. And then they do something frustrating again - however small it may be. It's not what they do, it's just me looking for an excuse to CRACK - and I'm mean again. And then I cry.
Anyway, this wasn't only a rant to my mom. I guess life in general.
